Pent up thoughts.

Don’t really have the time of the energy to go full out on a post tonight, or even to summarize what I’ve been up to since my previous post. So I’ll let out a few quick quips about whats been going on in my mind the past few weeks. Here goes:

 

1.) Its been fun living and working in Singapore. While it may seem similar to home, (having a vast potpourri of races and cultures, foodie joints, some habits) with time, the truth is, its not. Its almost entirely different. For one, things are really proper here and the people actually abide by rules so strictly placed, that to a Malaysian, you would be dumbfounded at such discipline they have. The public transportation system works like a charm and is dependable to a fault, branded goods are aplenty and there is never an opportunity to not do nothing. Which may be a blessing to many, but to some a curse. Time here moves way faster that it seems, and what would take 15 minutes or less at home, happens in mere moments. Efficiency is without a doubt an accepted and well practiced culture here, but to some degree still maintains a hint of humanity within, though moving with machine like precision and speed, there is some heart in it.

2.) I miss home. Truly I do. There are so many things back at home that I am so used to. There are counterparts available here, but nothing can compare to the original back at home. I am of course referring to the food and my family I miss them like a how a  puppy misses its master when he’s away at work. I wait for opportunities to free up in my work schedule just so I can plan a short trip home, but the management is anything but willing to even consider it. Despite my pleading and polite recommending, the message never seems to hit home, and its only a matter of time before I put my foot down on it. Everyone else in my group has had a return trip, its high time I got mine, and I do not want to wait any longer.

3.) I am out of balance. Not only with myself but with the things around me. Recently, my work performance is illogically terrible. I got overwhelmed and over stressed, tensions rose between me and my colleagues. Work seemed to be nothing more but a dreary trial to endure daily. This attitude fazed me for a moment and I was adamant to get back into my usual routine, accepting and loving my work as well as making the best of what i could do while I was there. But the harder I tried, the worse I seemed to get, leading up to the last stage of defeat, acceptance. Therefore, I only worked for what it was worth and never seemed to see the lighter side of things. I did the most basic of things to be expected of me, and stayed safe. Hopefully by the next month, as I am scheduled to be in another department, things can lighten up and get me back up on my feet.

I am winded and thoroughly defeated inside, and its going to take some serious work to spring myself out of this vortex of disillusionment. Got to keep on moving, and keep on smiling. Life’s a game, so have fun, and bend the rules.

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