Words of wisdom, put into action.

Welcome to back dear readers, and more importantly welcome back for me!

 

Its been nearly 4 whole months since my last blog post. And if you were to recall the last post, I did mention that I was going to start living the real life and leave behind the old dreams of mine. Well, I have come up with something that will be quite interesting, I promise you.

A little clue, this will involve an upgrade in my blogging pursuits. =)

Hope you guys will like it. See you when I’m ready.

 

I’ll do it my way.

I’m doing it my way.

When things get me down, I’ll handle them and live through them.

Yesterday and today was rubbish, and I admit I am falling down a hole that will run even deeper if i don’t wake up now.

So its time to stop dreaming and start living…

Its in your heeeeaaaaad, in your heaaaadd.. Zombie, zombie.

Eih, eih, eih, ohuh, ohuh, ohuh.

I’ve noticed a lot of games nowadays have an element of the undead or mainly zombies in everything. Like in the Cybercafes, L4D is a very good example, and even in World War favorites like Call Of Duty, suddenly have Nazi Zombie outbreaks. Its as if the entire world is subconsciously preparing itself for a zombie infestation. I believe if that day ever comes, we may be more prepared than we need be.

Speaking off zombies…

I can’t believe that I was actually so worried over the Applied Science paper and Tengku Murad’s Entrepreneurship Paper.

Why was I worried? Well for one, the mid term paper for AP was quite “SPICY” that it burned a deep one in many of us. So if there was a lesson learnt, it was not to be too light on Food Socio-psychology. As for Entrepreneurship, why we were all rattled was because the notes were posted the day just before the exam, and the notes were as think a the Yellow Pages!!! Not to mention, classes were done so quickly and easily with power points, we had no idea what to actually study on the notes.

So when it came to crunch time…

I was literally OMG-ed. On the spot. Both the papers, were straight forward and actually very predictable. Especially Entrepreneurship! It was literally off the very power points he had during class!. Feeling a major relief, but also pissed that I did all the studying and worrying for nothing. I answered them with a hint of sarcasm in the essay section.

” Relating to how lifestyles can affect a person’s eating habits, many people today tend to overwork and rely on convenience food to keep up with the busy work pace. Busy office workers and students who spend so much of their time in projects and studying, sacrifice the benefits of healthy, home cooked foods, for fast foods that are high in fats and sugar, causing many to fall into an unbalanced diet.”

So if Mr. Pierre Louis was to get a hint, I can believe that I’m not the only one who wrote something similar to that in their essays. Maybe he’ll pick it up on the last one. ( I hope he gets Andy’s paper ) (( Double hoping Andy wrote a VERY sarcastic line in it ))

After that, chatted with Ozeir outside the Annex after the paper. Both of us getting sarcastic about things. I really miss hanging out with the gang from before. All four of us, sitting in the front row, playing ” chou tai di” and talking about WOW. Those were the best times of my Diploma life.

Now, Min is going off to Switzerland in July, and Ozeir is in another group because of the new ruling where its easier for those who need to go for Friday prayers to be in certain groups. I still hang out with Wei Ren and our new\old buddies. Things are great, but can’t compare to fun we had before.

After that, headed off to Sunway with the rest of the group for dinner at Zhien’s Restaurant, next to Kim Gary’s. Being the only ex-DC amongst the hotel group, I’m actually quite comfortable being with them. They are very friendly and open, playing chou tai di and joking. I do have one slight road bump, not very good with Chinese Dialects, so I tend to be a bit blur from time to time. But they are okay with it and we still have fun. Monsieur Yeoh jojned us for dinner and for a ride home. Thanks for the ride Seen Cheow.

Also thanks to you for putting your comments. =) I really appreciate your advice, and I will be thinking this through. Hopefully, I’ll choose the right one.

Do you remember the time?

Back before all this?

When things were also weird and wonderful, but not so stressful? Yeah, I do… I miss those times. Even though I have not much to regret in rushing into Higher Diploma, I still feel that maybe I should have taken the time to relax and consider my options.

My heart is craving for adventure right now. Not neccesarily the kind that involves danger and action like in movies, but something different and new. A breath of fresh air is what I need. Something that can take me away from the reality that is full of stress, deadline and exams. I need a glass of cool and fresh inspiration for my soul.

Grievances aside, as some are aware of my condition for the past month, things are going well. Enough. Being in group 6 is a real blast, and working with them is also challenging but fun. There is never a dull moment with the party animals in here, duck and turtle included. ; )

I’ve warmed up to them and also other comrades back from Diploma days. Life’s a ball that keeps on rolling, and occasionally flattening stuff as it goes. I’ve yet to fully ’shine’ out with Taylor’s as my morale is just above water level since my physical and mental deconstruction. Which brings me to something I’ve been thinking of doing all term…

Should I quit?

At this very moment, 80% of me says yes, and 20% says no.  Why yes? Well, anyone can answer that. If I had a ringgit for every time a person tells another on their troubles of college life, I’d be a multi-millionaire sailing the ocean on my yacht, like Johnny Depp, with his famous words, “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it gets you a yacht which helps sail you right up to it.”

Or I could even be in a bar in New York, having a chat with Anthony Bourdain. He’d be talking about his latest travel tourlouge in Jamaica as he croons over a cold tall glass of Tequila Sunrise, while I share a laugh over  a witty joke with my glass of milk.

Even better, I could be out and around the world, armed with a trusty camera and a travel diary. I’d travel all over the world and take pictures as I document my journey. I’d be at the Great Wall with a hot ‘char siew’ bun, next, by the Pyramids with a rather bemused camel, or high up in the Eiffel Tower of Paris locking lips with a French belle.

There is much to explore in the library of my imgainations, to which I qoute a line from Jason Mraz’s song Shorties and 40’s.

” The movie in my mind will be the winner at Canne’s”

As to why I shouldn’t? Well…

I don’t want to be say goodbye to everyone at college. Despite many not really knowing me deep inside, (my bad, considering I can’t talk much), I feel really sad inside when I imagine having to leave everyone. With so much we’ve been through and planned together, it seems very selfish of me to just get up and go so suddenly.

I’m only human, and am not perfect. But what mistakes I make, I do not repeat, for those who choose to judge me on a time basis, I’m sorry for the fact that we could not get to be on better terms. I am who I am, and the person I become, will be what I believe in.

So to quit or not to quit? That is the question… I don’t know.

Also it wouldn’t hurt to state, that I really,really would love a new camera. An Ixus 75 is preferred. It hurts to see so many magical moments in life, but not capture to share and remember.

Its a slew of pain, one after the other, but tis just a drop of rain in the ocean of life.

Its been so rough since the start of May

I got hit with a mild case of diarrhea and a heat attack. It busted my immune system a little, and gave me weakness for about a week. After I started building up again, BAM! I got whacked with the flu… Another week of recovering and work as well, what do you get?

A stye in my eye. Whoop de doo… And I’ve still got projects to work on plus finals in less then 3 weeks.

This is the life. O.0

Higer Diploma! Just like a Diploma! Only higher.

And much like the title, when something goes higher, so does everything else relating to it. Higher Diploma, another year at Taylor’s College.

Can’t believe I’m still here, doing the stuff I’ve always been for the past 2 years…

Only its considered… “Higher” now..

I haven’t posted any new info since about 2 months ago. Its kinda a long story, but in a way it gave me a lot of time to review my options and the way I’ve always seen life. I’ve come to be aware of the choices I can and should make, appreciate the values and principles of things, and realize the objective of my life.

I also didn’t update much, because after Grandma passed on, I hadn’t the want to do so..

The funeral was brief and simple. We did in a private and quaint manner. We accompanied her for a day, and had her cremated the next day. By the afternoon, taking a boat, we fullfilled her last wish, which was to have her ashes spread out to the ocean. It was quiet, but not gloomy. She left with a relaxed and calm smile on her face, she was happy.

Much earlier, about 2 weeks ago. I acquired my Diploma in Culinary Arts. After the steamboat session and party arty time ended. We geared up for the procession. Again I’ll make this brief. How it goes is that, they would gather everyone by their choice of study. For us, decked out in Chef jackets and red scarfs full of pride, we awaited the name calls.

They did it alphabetically, for each category. So all of us were on our toes, as we heard each name being called out, awaiting for our alphabet to pop out. The first category was cleared, “Pass”. Next was “Honourable Pass”. More names got called out, as they got closer to the “K”. I realized they passed it!! They the continued to “Very Honourable Pass”. In which I got called up and recieved it. Just short of one more to the top recognition, but it will do for now. =)

Looking back then, with today. I still think about the same questions I was posed with from Dad.

“Are you sure this is what you want”

“Will you be happy doing this?’

To be honest, I still can’t say it for sure. I like what I’m doing so far, but there are many things around it as well that affect my decision. You can love the work and the art, but then the pressure, the people and others can make you hate it with just as much passion…

“Higher Diploma”

Huh…

I wonder…

If this is going to get me higher up in the world, will it only mean I will have further to fall?

Who knows…

Steamboat and Steam bots.

Today was the day we gathered to see out results.

Well not really the exact figures, but to know whether we made it through to the entire Diploma course. And God willing 62 out of 62, was a very warm and heartfelt joy to all of us. =)

I got there early, around 5:15pm, because I know for a fact there will be a massive jam in the next half an hour if I dilly dallyed some more. So I turned off the television and headed to the bathroom. As I turned on the shower and felt the warm drips of water flowing, memories of the past 2 years kept flashing in my mind.

All the fun times we had, during college and after college. Our journeys of self discovery and realizations. Each his\her own tale to tell. I remembered all the funny stuff we’d had tried to do. The first time when me, Farouq, Andy and Tommy got together we stared to make a company of sorts that sells home baked goods. P.A.M was the name for Pink Apron Man. Credit for name goes to Tom. Too bad we never got around to it though. =)

Jon wanting to have dinner cook offs, with all of us taking a turn. Had lots of fun making desserts for you guys then. Although I did end up getting lost one too many times en route to Jon’s place. >.< I actually drove all the way to the Shah Alam city center, twice. Because I missed the turning. Thanks for the guidance Andy. I would have been circling that blue mosque the whole night if not for you.

I remembered dinner service and lunch services well. The lessons we were taught and the funny stuff along the way. How we’d try making it a fulfilling experience, and sneak food into our mouths when no one was looking.  Nothing’s changed anyway. Ha ha. Thankfully we did not have to flambe anything at all.

I just remembered, I dyed my hair blond…. and then I got it back to black and shaved it off. >.< Way to go for curiosity.

Now I’ve gotten into the car and kept myself as dry as possible from the pouring rain. I start my car and begin the drive to college, down the same road. Pictures of past projects and assignments done and dealt with, of having the meetings and of the arguments we had with each other. Looking back, I can laugh and find such joy in them.

I laughed my hardest as I remembered my two trainings. Eastin hotel, with the service crew, the sweet old ladies and the manager from a TVB drama. In the Apartment, where I had so much fun making desserts for 2 months and of the people I’ve met there. Everyone, from the kitchen and service people. Hell, even the regular guests who’d crack jokes at how I wore a bandanna instead of a cap. I loved my time there. =)

I park my car and open my umbrella as I walk to college. Getting to the stairs at 7-11, I meet up with Jimmy and a worrisome Andy. As usual his eyes are on his car. I remember his experiences with the idiots who can’t keep their hands to themselves and manage to coax him into the library with WK and Tasha. We watched funny and painful Youtube videos till 7pm.

We go to the Student Lounge and met up with everyone else there. We found our names and ID numbers all printed out. Meaning 62 out of 62 for passing. we all made it through. Each having a smile on our faces and laughing about. Most couldn’t wait for Steamboat buffet dinner.

I skipped lunch and breakfast for this dinner. Thankfully there was plenty to go around and we had a blast getting ourselves bloated. A round of drink and cheers to the lecturers. Mr. Suhaimi even made it up all the way here from his new position in NILAI college in Seremban to be with us. Shared stories of what happened to us and what will. Jon giving dance lessons, Maynard with recruiting people for a part time job, and Sherryna’s  ‘happy’ car accident.  Around 10.00pm or so we gathered up and most headed home.

The CC team was already warming their hot seats playing CS. I joined them. And then Andy and Jimmy came to back us up after dropping their missus-es back home for the night. We played L4D till about 1.45am. Jon realized his bags were in Aniq’s car. Aniq drove back from Subang. We took off.

It was a hell of a night, and I had a blast with everyone. Like Mr.Suhaimi said, this was our very first gathering where everyone got together to dine and laugh as one. Make sure, it won’t be our last time for many many years to come.

I have a very strong feeling it won’t…

For we are DC27.

Recycled notes and washed uniforms…

Its over…

The long drawn and overly expected finals is over. With the BM oral examination dealt with in a realy flash might I add…

That was it, all done. 2 years of anticipation and waiting. It was finished, the Diploma Course for Culinary Arts. And we went to celebrate..

Right after I let loose a well kept roar of rejoice, and did a simple jig to a jazzy number playing in my head. I took of my coat and headed to the 7th floor to play pool with the rest of the early bird finishers. After about an hour or so headed down and met up with others with Vincent, Mischa, Elaine and Sherryna. Planning to have a big steamboat gathering for tomorrow after collecting our results. Sounds like fun. ^^ Me, Ozeir, Wei Ren and Min already made plans to have a fun night tonight, and we did.

Oh yeah, congratulations on winning the pool competition Sherryna! Now Vincent has to buy some shaved ice dessert with toppings of your choice. Good job. =D

For our night out, us guys started with a really heavy dinner. We knew it was heavy, because of the four of us, three did not have lunch or breakfast. We kept clean till tonight for the feast. And boy, its was a big one to swallow. Worth every cent too, thanks Min, your credit card was soooo shiny. Ha ha.

After that, went to get tickets to Watchmen, at 9.35pm. It was only 8, so we went bowling. Loser bought popcorn, and true enough Amar was the chosen one. =) Min took the dinner, Wei Ren the tickets and I covered bowling, so the fates have spoken.On a side note, I might wanna consider getting into bowling again… My average has dropped from 120 to middle 80’s. >.<

Watchmen was cool. It was really dark and gritty, but fun and also very exciting, in a mature way of course. Still despite the 18+ warning label attached to the movie, it had so many scenes clipped off, it could have been deemed 16+ rather…

Having satisfied my wonder on the comic book to movie transfer, Amar’s desire to find as much skin as possible on the female lead, and Wei Ren and Min’s want for super cool action, we decided to head home. Night well spent. ^^ Completly satisfied. Tomorrow is just a blink away, a very long blink away…

ZZZZzzz…..

And so marks the end of it all.

Kitchen finals are over.

Only two oral examinations to go.

And then thats it, Diploma In Culinary Arts.

The final chapter for the moment…

I don’t see it like that… How about like this?

There are many things that are going on in my head as I type this out…

I just got upstairs from dinner. And I’ve got a throbbing headache to sooth over once I finish up revising for Kitchen Finals..

I was sharpening knives and decided to cook up some side salad with the chopped veggies I had practiced on. At that, I needed to also take out the plates I planned on using for my finals.

To my suprise, instead of a lovely mirror reflection of myself, I saw a more grimy and dotted face staring right back at me. Putting the plate aside, I decided to find another type. Sis came in the kitchen and showed me her new glasses which she plans to make fruit parfaits with. I’m happy to see something new in the kitchen, but was also pondering if they were worth the money.

Then mom stepped in, being her, she asked the obvious and some other stuff about the glasses which got her and Sis into a conversation with raised vocals. I didn’t notice much of it, as I was busy balancing a soup plate with my elbow, while holding 10 large dinner plates on one hand, with the other digging in the drawer.

Noticing me, half body in the drawer, mom got curious and decided to help, by asking me questions. I was already tired out, and I would have appreciated her help, however I just wanted to handle it on my own without having to paint a picture for her on what I want. But instead she got upset.

Here’s why.

My mom is a nice woman. However working with her can become a difficult thing for me. She likes to do things her way, and no other. So when she wants to help me, she will expect me to give her a detailed picture of what I want, and if I can’t do that or if she see’s there is too little to work with, she’ll get upset about it.

And having an elder sister who has many issues of her own. It can only get better. ( In my case… worse..)

I love these two very much as they are my family.  But it also because of them I look forward so badly to move out and go overseas. I need to get away from them, I need some time without them, to breath and depend on myself. There are things I want to do, and being here, they usually end up never achieved. Its no one else’s fault but mine, for letting that be as it may.

Thats why I feel so sick about myself. I feel like a failure because I can’t do the things I want to do or be able to be what I want to be. I feel terrible inside for being so angry to people around and finding fault in them for what happens to me. Its unfair to think that,  but from their actions and the things to do, I find it hard not to blame them.

If this their idea of helping me and supporting me. Then please stop it. Because your help is hurting me instead.

I need someone who will listen to my problems without forcing a solution down my throat, some sensitivity to care about my emotions, some one who can just let me relax and put my problems aside for awhile and just be free.

I need a friend….